29

October

I was wrong

I am happy to say that I was wrong in my first post today.  It has not been one of THOSE days.  Laura was good all morning.  She didn’t eat much for lunch again (lasagna from last night that she didn’t like then).  I put her to bed and she slept for 3 hours.  Warren has been up and down a lot today, but I don’t worry about daytime sleeping too much yet.  I’m more focused on the night.  The daytime naps will work themselves out.  It actually works in my favor some days to not have set naps since we go out and about so much.

I decided today to go ahead and import my old journal entries from LiveJournal.  I wasn’t going to originally, but then I found an easy way to import them all and keep the comments.  I went back and tagged them all as livejournal so I can easily tell the difference between the two journals.  That’s also why the livejournal tag is so large.

I went back and read my entries.  I started my livejournal when Robert and I first started our journey together.  It was right after he broke up with Liz and told me he had feelings for me.  I chronicled how stressed I was working often times 2 jobs, doing my observation hours required, how living with Liz was going, and my brother’s deployment to Iraq.  I look back and I marvel at the person I once was.  I can hear the sadness and stress in my writing.  I’m amazed that I didn’t have a complete mental breakdown at times.  I know I used my journal as a place to vent my frustrations/anger/negative feelings, but I really was a sad person a lot of the time.  What is also amazing is how Robert stood by my side during all of that, even before we were officially dating.  Once we were married, things took on a different tone.  I didn’t have the stresses of working and studying/homework.  Instead it became stresses of finding a job and keeping up with the house.  It was interesting to read about when Laura was little.  I was pretty stressed with her.  I wonder if I would be writing the same things about Warren if he were the first born instead of second.  Then again, I am also doing things different with him (which I learned through experience).  I’m glad I could go back and read what I had written.  I can see the progress I have made.  I know that I am forever changing and I’ll probably marvel at the person I am now sometime in the future.  I’ll look back and wonder at times how in the world I managed two young kids all by myself during the day.  I’ll wonder how I could do as much as I do.  The answer is simple.  I just do it one day at a time.  Some days I take it one nap at a time.  Things always find a way of working themselves out.

I find it interesting that I was questioning even a couple years ago if teaching was really for me.  I think deep down I knew that I would be home with my kids.  Even if I would have had a full-time job, I would have seriously debated giving it up to be at home.  I don’t know if I actually would, but I know it would be seriously considered.  Now that I am home, I am so glad I am.  Yes, I have my bad days.  However, I love listening to Laura read to me.  I love just cuddling Warren while she is napping.  I love that he fell asleep on my shoulder at least twice today.  I love feeling like I am doing the most important job in the world right now.  Once they start school, I may work.  I don’t know yet.  I do know that I would like to be here when they get home from school.  We’ll see what the future brings.  For now, I have a 2 year old and a baby that think I am the best in the world, and that is all that matters.  :love:


2 Responses to “I was wrong”

  1. Abbie Says:

    Ah the last part all most made me cry! I like to go back and read my old posts as well. Its so interesting to me to see how I have changed. How did you import everything so easily? When I did it I had to manually move everything! =] Glad your day went well.

  2. Liz Says:

    I was amazed at how well today went. Laura even went to bed early tonight! She didn’t eat much dinner, but I’m cracking down on her eating what we eat if at all possible. She’ll eat when she is hungry enough. As for importing, under tools there is an option for import. It lists several different platforms to import from. It imported all the posts and comments super easy! I was really impressed. My entries that I had marked as private or friends only are still protected too.

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