I’m not sure if I was productive today or not. Liz and I got laundry and cleaning done. I watched my movie for French and wrote my paper for TED 255. Tomorrow I need to write my paper for French, watch the first episode of Eyes on the Prize, and fill out scholarship applications. I’m tired enough today that I’m not sure if I will go to church in the morning. I think I might get more done if I stay home and work on my homework. Plus, I just don’t have much desire to go right now. I don’t know exactly what it is. Part of it might be that I don’t really feel like I’m a part of the church, but I think there is more. I just don’t know what it is.
Talking with Robert last night was interesting. It seems like he might think I am jealous or don’t understand how he feels about Liz. He explained to me a little bit ago that he wants to be a good friend to her and she will always be special to him. I have absolutely no problem with this. When I asked him if he could have anything in the world, one of the responses was for Liz to be happy. I thought that was very sweet. I don’t have any guys in my life really that would say that about me. I really like Robert, but I don’t want to get in the way of him and Liz being friends. If need be, I’ll back off and step out for a while.
I’m torn right now. I want to be a good friend to Liz and be there for her, but I also want to spend time with Robert. I’m not sure how she feels about me seeing him as much as I do. I wish I could talk to her about everything I’m feeling, but I don’t want to make her unhappy or jealous or hurt her at all. Right now I’m talking to another friend about my feelings just so I can verbalize them and hear them. I’m afraid I might be getting too attached to Robert now. I look forward to talking to him pretty much everyday, I miss him so much on the weekends, and there have been nights when I just want to go for a drive and see him. Part of me would love to just go see him tomorrow while I would be at church, but I can’t sneak around like that on Liz. I guess I’ll just have to be patient.
Well, I’m going to work on my scholarship applications for a little bit. I’ll write more later.