Staying Afloat

I-emailed Liz last night and told her my plan. I don’t know if she has read the e-mail or not. I don’t even know how she is truly feeling. It’s all the uncertainty that is driving me nuts. I have an hour break right now between classes and I think it is one of the longest hours I have ever had. I stopped and told Robert that I wouldn’t visit him or talk to him for a while. He knew it was coming, but that didn’t make it any easier. I don’t know how long it will be before we do see each other again, but it’s going to be hard. Right now my stomach is in knots and very unsettled over this whole mess. Plus I’m still trying to deal with my brother leaving. I thought I was ok with it, but I guess I learned last night that I’m really not. I don’t have anyone up here to talk to that truly understands what I am going through. It is so hard. All of my friends keep telling me to pray about it, but right now, that is actually one of the last things I want to do. I just want it all better NOW. It does bother me that I don’t want to turn to God at all, considering how I am supposed to be living my life. I think I might go talk to the Dean of Students soon and explain what is going on with John. I am going to see if there is anything they can do for me regarding my classes. I really have no desire to do homework, but I know I need to. I don’t want extra special attention, but on days like today, I want the flexibility. I can’t even think straight right now. I’m tempted to e-mail Kris and tell her I won’t be in French, which starts in a half hour. Maybe I’ll go so my mind might be occupied. I really don’t want to work tonight, but seeing as how it is a Wednesday night (which we are very short staffed on) I need to work. I’ll be ok at work as long as I am not put downstairs. I will go off if I have to move, and right now I don’t care. But I am going to try going to class. Maybe I’ll stop and see Kris and explain what is going on so she doesn’t get the wrong idea. Write more tonight.

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