I feel like I have just done a leap from the high dive and am plummeting down into the deep water and can’t seem to go up and get a breath of air.
Vegas was a blast. It felt so good to get away for a few days with my two best friends. It was wonderful to not have the demands of mommy. I could just be me and have fun. I ended up having an allergic reaction to the aromatherapy they used at my massage on Wednesday. Thankfully it didn’t ruin a full day in Vegas, since we were traveling home on Thursday. It did make travel a challenge though. I didn’t see the kids until Friday morning (well, I did see them when I checked on them before I went to bed, but they didn’t see me at all).
Friday morning I went to the doctor for the allergic reaction. He told me to take Claratin to help. Once we got home, I took a Claratin and some ibuprofen. I don’t remember much else of the morning. I now I took about a 3 hour nap in the afternoon.
Yesterday was the Anderson family reunion (Robert’s mom’s side of the family). There was a good turn out. I’m glad we went. We didn’t make it last year due to me being quite pregnant and miserable and on self-declared bed rest. The kids napped just a short bit in the car. They were both very tired and whiny. Robert went out to mow the lawn while I stayed in with the kids. I tried to get Warren to eat some solids, but he absolutely refused. I gave him some small chunks of a very ripe banana. He inhaled that. As soon as he would run out, the screaming started again. Laura was demanding attention. I tried for over 30 minutes to get Robert’s attention to get some help. I even went outside to wave my arms at him and he still didn’t notice. I was at the end of my rope. I came back in and just sat in our room for a few minutes. Of course Warren is still screaming at me and Laura isn’t sure exactly what is going on so she is asking questions. Once Robert gets in, Warren happily eats the pureed baby food for him. This wasn’t the first time that Warren refused to eat for me. It is becoming a habit/pattern. I am at the end of my rope with it. I don’t know what else to do. I honestly feel like he doesn’t like me a lot of the time.
This morning both kids slept in. Warren got up shortly after 6 (which is sleeping in since he usually is up 5:15-5:30). Laura slept until shortly after 7:30. Since Robert has been getting up early with Warren, I got up today to let him sleep a little bit. Warren was happy while eating his bottle, but that was it. Then he fussed at me most of the morning. I tried putting Warren back to bed around 7, but Robert ended up getting him back up. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I never thought that I’d feel like the inferior parent. I used to be so confident in my parenting, but now I don’t know how to do it anymore. Robert is always so calm and just steps up. I quit.
This morning I think we are staying home from church. We discussed how even if we go, the kids are difficult enough we aren’t getting anything out of church. It just isn’t worth the battle most of the time.
Another part of my unhappiness today is I found out at the doctor yesterday I gained quite a bit of weight since my last doctor visit, which was only about a month ago when I went for the sleep study follow up. I feel like I am never going to lose the weight I want and to look like I want.