So I’ve noticed that I’ve had the personality of a wet noodle these past few days. I wasn’t sure what it was recently. I often times felt bad that I was like that around Robert. But then, if this relationship between him and I is going to work, then he has to deal with all of my moods…including when I’m feeling blah. After giving it some thought, I think part of my blah mood recently has been because I haven’t heard anything from my brother for a few weeks now. He hasn’t e-mailed me or written me any letters. I’m starting to feel left out of the loop since he has talked to Mom and Natalie on the phone, and he e-mails Mom. I just want a letter of some sort. I don’t think he realizes just how much I miss him and how much I treasure his letters. I don’t want anyone to tell him to write me a letter either. I want him to write me letters because he is thinking about me and wants to, not because someone told him to write to me. I still have his last one sitting on the window sill at Robert’s. I don’t read it often, but I do think about it a lot. I guess I just really miss him and want him to come home. There are lot of rumours that he is coming home soon, but I highly doubt they are true. I’ll believe he’s coming home once I get a letter from him while he’s at Fort Knox.
A second reason I might be feeling so blah is because I don’t have many of my girl friends around here. Liz is over in Green Bay and she and I hardly talk at all. E-mail is difficult because it’s hard to get the immediate feedback and convey the right feelings. I’m going to give Jess a call sometime soon so she and I can do a movie night. I just miss having some of my friends around. I was hoping to get together with my best friend Meghan last weekend, but I couldn’t get a hold of her at all. I was really hoping that she might be able to meet Robert and we could double date.
A third reason I’ve been feeling blah is because of work. It is the same type of work everyday although the actual work varies, at least it used to. Now we make beds everyday and change the garbage and towels. That is my life for the next 4 weeks while the Chiefs are in River Falls. I could handle that type of work, if I got along with co-workers a little bit better. Most of the time we are civil with each other, but a lot of the time I feel like I’m not truly accepted by anyone. I bounce from person to person a lot trying to feel like I might have a little bit of a friend. One day person X will be nice to me and we’ll joke around, but then the next day s/he is unhappy with me because I did something wrong. It just sucks.
I want classes to start again. That brings routine to my life. I’ll have Liz back here again. Granted, things might be a little tough at first because of the whole situation with Robert, but we can talk about lots of other things and do other things. I can also usually make one friend in each class and chat with them. It will also be nice to have Nick in my Geo 300 class. That way I can keep up on what is going on around campus since he is in Student Senate.
I have my annual testing coming up in August. It is normally in October, but they have switched it to Aug. so I don’t have to miss a week of classes. I’m not really worried about the results of the tests. I know that everything is fine, but there is comfort in having test results. Every year since I’ve been diagnosed with cancer, I’ve had one person die due to this disease. My first year it was Lauren, my second year it was Sonia, and this year it was Chris. I don’t want to know who is going to be next.
Tonight Robert and I are heading up to his parent’s house. We will spend the night, and then drive back in the morning. I have to work 12-6 tomorrow while the Chiefs move in (overtime!!!$$$). After work, I’ll take a quick shower, and then Robert and I are going to Cossetta’s with Rich and Sonja. That should be fun. Sunday I work 7am-whenever we are finished making beds and whatnot (more overtime $$!!).
I’m not sure how the next few weeks of work are going to go. Rumour has it we make beds in the morning and just sit, but then people keep saying we have to move furniture in Prucha Hall and wipe down Parker Hall. Paul mentioned possibly having us work 6-3:30 to get this stuff done. I don’t know. Maybe I should just give up trying to figure it out. It would be nice to know what it going on though.
Time for a nap I think. I’m exhausted and I don’t want to be crabby when we go to Robert’s parent’s house. I’ll write more later.