I guess that pretty much sums up how I am feeling tonight. It started when this afternoon when Robert started to act weird. He wasn’t online at all this afternoon, and he seemed distant today. I called him tonight to ask him about it since it was bothering me so much. He told me that Liz had e-mailed him, but he wouldn’t say about what. He had promised Liz not to say anything, which I respect. I found this out around 7:30. Liz had Dance Theatre 7-9. I sat in the room trying to figure things out, but didn’t come up with anything. While pondering my situation with Liz, I was talking to Paula. Her grandma is in the hospital again and might be put in a retirement home or assisted living. This would leave her without a place to stay, so I talked to my parents to see if she could stay with them for a little bit. They said she could stay for a few weeks, but nothing long term. So now I have to tell her that. Nick came back and vented about everything that is going on with Student Senate. That whole situation is messed up. I really wanted to talk to Liz tonight about whatever is going on. I just don’t want to bring it up so she doesn’t think Robert told me anything. I tried to subtley bring it up by saying Robert was acting weird, but she didn’t say anything. I would like to turn around and ask flat out, “What is going on?” but I don’t want to put her on the spot. I just have to be patient and back things off with Robert. While talking on the phone tonight Mom said that John’s deployment has been delayed again. He was supposed to ship out either today or tomorrow. Now his date is set for around the 15th. That isn’t going to be easy because I’m going to be home with Liz and Vanessa, and thinking about him. Plus Liz might be having problems because it’s V-day and she and Robert are broken up. As much as it is going to hurt, I am going to stop seeing Robert after tomorrow morning. I am going to avoid seeinghim, as much as I love the hugs and seeing him, and not talk online. I will probably send an occassional e-mail, but I think I might have to cut off communication for a while. 
I guess I should have followed Adam’s advice “Don’t fall in love with someone until you can have them”. I don’t love Robert, but I do really like him, and now I got myself into trouble. It almost feels like I am breaking up with him. Eventaully, I will be able to see him and talk to him, but until then, it’s going to be very hard. Just thinking about my night, I’m almost in tears. Correct that, I am now. I’m going to leave now. Maybe I’ll get some sleep.
February 5th, 2003 at 4:56 am
chin up
Chin up … hang in there. *hug* It sucks to go pretty much cold turkey.