journaling: enabled

I’m sitting in my computer room with my window open … and I hear birds! No traffic! (or at least not a lot). It kinda reminds me of being at the zoo, only there’s a fresh smell instead of the smell of animals. Ahh… fresh, rain-cleaned air. I could get to like this.

I spoke with beldurnik tonight … I guess I talked about Liz too much … he called me a sap. I guess maybe I overdramatize it sometimes, but hey, I really do miss her. I know I’m hopeless.

Pretty boring day. My bedroom is finally looking like less of a disaster area. It’s pretty slow going. A friend of mine (hint) said he would call me this morning so we could get together … but alas I have not heard from him. This afternoon I decided to go out on my bike and explore my new town for a while … found some nifty nature trails on the south end of town, but they’re too short. I guess you’re supposed to walk them. Some parts were kinda muddy … which mean I got a bit splattered. Nothing quite like just you, the bike and nature … I felt kinda primal and aggressive. Growl. I also wore cut-offs and a black tank-top … haven’t worn a tank-top in quite a while. I found the high school in town … and yay! the town park has a swingset!! Okay … maybe that’s not a big deal to everyone else, but someone special to me likes them. I veg’d out afterwords and watched part of “For Richer, For Poorer”. I think I need to see the whole movie from start to finish ‘cuz picking it up in the middle was a little confusing.
Well, I better hop offline … this 5 cents/minute for dialup ‘Net access kinda sucks … but I get broadband on Tuesday!

Loneliness. Homelessness. I’m alone … in what used to be “home” … an apartment. I’m paranoid about my house purchase falling through. I don’t have any place where I really “belong” at the moment.

I have this stuffed plush turtle that Liz seems to really like. I offered it to her to take back home for the summer, but she didn’t want to. I thought she could hold it and think ofme … instead I hold it and think of her. I discovered last night when I had it next to my pillow that it even smells like her.

I’m bushed. I miss Liz. :~( I think I have a better understanding of the relationship between women and ice cream though. I think Sandra Bullock had a pretty good line in “Miss Congeniality” when she said she was going to get “chip-faced”. I went out and sorta got chip-faced tonight. Pecan cluster Blizzard from Dairy Queen … yummy. ‘Cept this one had too many pecans in it. Still served the purpose though. I feel a little better, though it can’t make up for her not being here.

I’m a very lucky guy. I saw Liz tonight for the last time before she leaves for home. I know I’ll see her again, but it’s just not the same. I decided tonight that women are endothermic. They always seem to have cold hands. I don’t think that’s a problem because Liz makes me feel warm and I can give some of that back.

Liz is her cheerful self again tonight. Yay. I really have a craving to hold her. Yah … Yah… sappy I know, but that’s the way I am. When I close my eyes I can imagine it and I feel content.

Ouch … my head hurts. I guess I finally pushed my body too far and it said “no!” — meaning I had a headache, the chills and was light-headed. I think this means I need a vacation. Temporary relief was provided by coming home from work ill and crashing in bed.
Liz wrote me to apologize for being stressed out last night when I talked to her … I guess I need to let her know I don’t expect her to be happy all the time, especially when she’s in the middle of studying for finals. Will talk to her tonight of course.

Yiy! I’m starting to get a little stressed out about the house I’m buying. It’s easy to forget about little details like water and electricity and insurance and stuff. I think I’m going to need a few days to recover after closing (which is thankfully on a Friday). The insurance agent I called is not the friendliest individual in the world… maybe she got up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.