21

November

Way too awake way too early

Warren woke up due to a messy diaper close to an hour and a half ago.  I have not been able to get back to sleep since then.  I am tired, but I can’t turn off my mind.  You are definitely a parent when you have Dora and Diego songs running through you head at 2am.  :)

I am feeling better.  Robert ended up staying home from work on Thursday.  He took care of the kids while I rested.  The bug never amounted to much.  I just had a headache and body aches on and off throughout the day.  Tylenol and ibuprofen didn’t help it at all.  I just had to wait it out.  Today I was feeling 100%.  I was able to make it to morning coffee and then run some errands.  I took my ring in to be resized.  I am close to 3.5 months post partum and I still couldn’t get it on comfortably.  I will get it back Dec. 2.  I also had some business to take care of at Target.  We got home at 12:20.  Thankfully Laura didn’t sleep in the car so as soon as she was done eating she went down for a nap.  Warren did great too.  He slept in the car seat most of the morning, ate when we got home, then took a nap too.  I used the time to clean up around the house.  I got the living room picked up, cleared off the table, and cleared off the island.  If anyone has seen any of these places recently, you would know how big of a deal this is.  I have a pile of dishes to wash, but they will be done in the morning.

The current plan is to go visit Robert’s Great Aunt Rosie in Amery later this morning (I’m thinking 9:30ish?).  The rest of the day will hopefully be quiet.  I would like to get some laundry done and would really like to work in the bedroom.  I know I keep saying it, but I actually have some motivation/ambition right now.  I am so ready for a clean house again.  I just want to start attacking it!  Robert has communion Sunday morning at church.  I am undecided if we will go or not.  It is getting to be a real challenge with Laura and now Warren has gotten into a morning nap routine.  I really hate messing with good things, especially if he doesn’t get one 3 days in a row (Friday, Saturday, and then Sunday).  I am not going to make any decisions right now.

We ordered our Christmas present to ourselves today.  We are getting a Canon Rebel XSi.  It is a splurge, but we are ready for a good camera.  We ordered it now so we can get used to it and have nice holiday season pictures.  :)  I need to evaluate what we have for Laura and Warren already and decide how much more we are going to get.  I ordered one of Warren’s gifts from Mom and Dad tonight.  We can’t use it until Christmas, but at least it is done.  I should find him a nice Christmas outfit that goes well with Laura’s.  I have the dates that Santa is going to be in Hudson and would like to take both kids this year.

I debated making this next part public or private.  I am going to keep it public just because I don’t think it is anything too earth shattering and I am sure there are people who read this that would agree.  I have been having a hard time accepting my body lately.  I absolutely hate how I look.  I told Robert tonight that I look like I’m permanently pregnant.  I know if I changed my eating habits and actually worked out that I could lose weight.  I figured it out that if I lose 10% of my weight, I would be back to where I was after I had Laura.  It is still more than I would like, but it would be an improvement.  Our new health care plan will reimburse up to $20 a month for a gym membership.  I only have to go 12 times a month, which is 3 times a week.  It has to be at select locations though.  Even if I get a Snap Fitness membership, it won’t count if I go down at Mom’s.  I like the idea of getting a membership, but I also have reservations about it.  How much would I really use it?  When would I go?  I have thoughts of getting up at 6, going, then being back before Robert leaves for work in the morning.  How long would that last?  Then again, if we are paying for it, maybe I would use it?  Then again, this could give me my alone time each day too.  I may go just for that reason.  I may also decide after a couple of weeks that I need more sleep and not get up early anymore.  Then what about evenings after Laura is in bed?  Would I want to go work out at 8pm?  Just so many unknowns.  With the holidays coming up so fast, I know that right now isn’t the time to really start thinking about it.  I will just beat myself up even more.  I just don’t want to become one of the people that annoys me.  They are unhappy about something in their life (weight, job, whatever) and never do anything about it.  If I don’t like how I look and feel about myself, then I need to do something about it.  It would be helpful if I had someone to hold me accountable though or go with me.  The meals we have aren’t bad.  I try to use the lite/low fat items as much as possible without adding in too much sodium or other undesirable things.  I know I don’t do a good job with vegetables myself.  I need to work on adding those in more.  I should add in that Robert has NEVER said anything about my weight.  He has never said that I need to lose weight or look differently.  He thinks I am beautiful.  So this is just all me and my self doubts.

Time to head back to bed.  Maybe now I can get some sleep.  My eyelids  are getting heavy.


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