5

August

Needing More?

As I sit here on the floor, I am wondering if I need more to my life.  Laura is working on potty training this week.  She is doing really well with it.  Yesterday she only had one big accident.  So far this morning she has yet to actually pee on the potty.  This is good in that she can hold it.  Bad in that she isn’t letting it go.  I only put a diaper on her for sleeping.  I am debating trying going without for nap time, but I really don’t want naptime to be cut short.  I figure it will only take a few times of her waking up in a wet bed for her to learn.  She isn’t at the point of catching the feeling soon enough to run to the bathroom though.  Such difficult decisions.

Warren has started self feeding.  He prefers to have bits of food on his tray to eat.  We just stocked up on pureed foods, so maybe I can work those in while he is feeding himself.  I worry about him not getting enough when he feeds himself.  He is starting to walk more.  It amazes me how much tougher he is than Laura ever was or even is now.  He falls down and he just rolls over and gets back up.  If he cries it is only for about 10 seconds unless he truly hurt himself.  He definitely has a stubborn streak.  He will consistently go back to areas he knows he shouldn’t be in.  He has taken 2 trips down the stairs.  He still goes to the gate to see if it is latched.  He is a boy without fear.  This puts fear into me!

Now, even with how much I am loving being home with my munchkins, I feel like I need to work.  I see some people talking about work, and I can’t help but feel that I should be in the workforce as well even if it is just a few days a week.  I know that I’ll be working a bit at the end of August/early September at Textbook Services for fall book issue.  It is not a guarantee, but most likely I’ll be working starting in October to take over Shirley’s job as assistant manager.  Current plan is that I would work just one day a week from October to January.  Then in January I would work 2-3 days a week.

And now here comes the battle from within.  I feel like I am doing the most important job in the world by raising my kids.  Millions of women have this for a career and are fulfilled by it.  I know I am unique and I can’t compare myself.  However, I can’t help but feel like I am not doing the best I can by feeling like I should be at work.  I also know that there are women (my mom being one of them) that are better mothers by working and having that time away.  I feel like I am just in limbo in so many ways.  I have my teaching degree although my license has expired.  I have no desire to actually teach anymore.  I enjoy watching the learning process, but I’ve seen what it is truly like with Jess and Mandy.  I don’t want to deal with the backstabbing of co-workers and the politics of the school board.  I like the office work.  I like my 8-4 and then leaving my work there and not bringing it home with me.

Well, time for me to start pulling lunch together.  We are getting Warren’s one year pictures done tonight, as well as a family picture done.  I’m hoping we get a really nice one to hang up.  I need to figure out outfits for each of us.  During naptime I am hoping I can get a nice shower in.  So much to do!


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